Sunday, November 28, 2010

How to field another drive-by survey

As a resident of that magnificent state just east of Albany, I can tell you, we don't need no stinkin' surveys to inform us we are probably the smartest people on the planet, that our hygiene is second to none, or that we are remarkable kissers.

Yet, yet. When it comes to driving, we are seen by the jealous citizens of the other 49 states as wild-in-the-streets lunatics. But you know what? You're wrong about us! And, indeed, this may be an ideal time to pull out a flattering survey. ...

Monday, November 15, 2010

By the time you read this…

Dear Son,

You know how much your mother and I love you, right? And our love for you knows no bounds. For this reason we’ve made the difficult decision to send you away until the mid-term elections are over.

By the time you read this, you will have awoken from a sound sleep, and you’ll be in Grandmom's apartment and she's listening to Benny Goodman and baking cookies for you. You’re undoubtedly asking yourself, “What are mid-term elections, and do they have anything to do with a volcano erupting and spewing hot lava that will destroy our home and our village and melt my Lego sets?”

In short, Son, potentially.